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i love the ending of the year. I just got a new job, not sure when I start yet but it's at a restaurant that is a fusion between french and asian cusine.

Been reading a lot about the occult and energy healing lately. getting to start focusing on abundance and prosperity and writing guidelines for how I want me life to be. Learning to love myself again and work towards goals...i need to write a list of them actually. I can't wait for a day off so I can focus on self care and love.

Lots of things change when one stops drinking and using. Pretty instantaniously for me. I am ready to finally love myself enough. I am finally ready to work towards the things I want but was too insecure to have.

I've been getting back in touch with old friends, feminine friends. it feels really good to have sisterly support. I need that more than masculine support. just completely different energy and state of mind.

i feel happy and i feel safe and i have a good feeling about things to come.

2017 is coming to a close. I am ready and can't wait to say, "good riddance" but this really is my favorite time of year and I think throughout all my trial and error...or my downright self pity, I finally am ready to become who I always wanted to be. Sink or swim, this is now the time...

I think my entire twenties were to learn the lesson that no matter how much a situation is unsatisfactory or heartbreaking, the discomfort is only temporary. Within six months those stressors lessen to the point they hardly matter. At least things like interpersonal relationships or positions in life...we are always evolving. I have to remember that.

I, for many many years used livejournal to write about the inner ongoings of my head. There is a lot of weight attached to that old screen name that I've had for about 15 years. I'm starting fresh here. And, I plan to blog regularly to organize my thoughts. I have not been good at keeping a paper journal for very long. I think my thoughts race too fast for my handwriting to keep up...not to mention the erasing of spelling and syntax errors. Writing a journal online works better for me.

So here it goes.

I need to make a list of things I would like to accomplish within the first six months of the new year, and things I'd like to accomplish in general, this next year. The general accomplishments will be bigger, long term things like buying a car, or renting an apt, seeking out internship opportunities on 4th street in the fashion industry (should email debra.) The first six months will include, taking burlesque dancing classes, looking at recipes to try so I can attempt eating better...meditating everyday, and devoting a few days out of the week to yoga practice, and reading as much as I can! Mostly time management type things.

I am taking back my life and I have been such a late bloomer. Now is time for me to live the life I always wanted...I am ready.